Sunday 13 December 2015

Unanswered Prayers and an Unexpected Discovery


There are several ways to respond to unanswered prayers.  In my own experience, this has most commonly been bitterness, anger, and confusion.  Unfortunately, all of those responses are negative and destructive.   I’m slowly learning that it doesn’t have to be that way, and most recently, I’ve come to realize that acceptance is a more appropriate response to unanswered prayer.  Although this choice of acceptance in the midst of waiting has not come easily, it's been a refreshingly unexpected discovery.  I wanted to write a bit about what we've been going through lately, not only because it’s been on my heart for a long time, but maybe because it’s a story that someone else can relate to.

We’ve been waiting and praying for baby #2 for a long time, and I’ve gone through a wide range of emotions during this journey.  There was a point a short time ago that I was bitter whenever someone posted a birth announcement, newborn photos or pregnancy pictures.  It was a destructive mindset to have, and I realize now that there was no benefit to feel this way.  It came to a point where I was struggling to feel happy, and I suddenly realized something needed to change.  I spoke with someone who was able to help redirect my thoughts and look at the situation in a different light.  It was such a beneficial conversation, and I’ve been able to change my mindset about what we have been dealing with.

Since that time, I have found myself stepping back from my own struggles and asking God what He’s trying to teach me.  I realized that He has a plan, and I can either fight Him, or make the most of the situation He’s placed me in.  I’ve recalled several times over the past few months how, after two years of waiting, it became so obvious that God knew what he was doing when He blessed us with Levi.  He had perfect timing, and looking back, it’s so amazing to see how He had His hand in that situation.  Hindsight is 20/20 though, and it’s often clear why things turn out the way they did when you’re looking back.  Sometimes it seems like the waiting would be less painful if we would have an idea of how things would turn out, but God has a reason for why we can’t see what will happen.  

It wouldn’t require any trust.  

So, I am choosing to trust that God has this situation in His hand.  Instead of passively waiting, I have chosen to be proactive and productive and hopefully learn something along the way.  I have found that this slight shift in my mindset has made a world of difference.  I no longer feel bitterness at other’s announcements, and although it is still hard, I realize that I can be both happy for someone’s news, and sad for our lack of it.  This realization was not an easy one to understand at first, however, I recently read a book that helped make it more clear.  It is called “Hannah’s Hope”, and It is written by a woman who has gone through years of infertility.  It details her emotions and experiences during this time, and includes references to applicable verses, as well as stories of couples who have dealt with infertility, loss and adoption struggles.  While reading this book, I learned to look at our situation with a new perspective, and realize that I have control over how I react. 

In case you’re maybe unsure of what exactly it is we’re going through, I’ll give you a bit of background on our situation.

What we are going through is called “secondary infertility”.  It is a fairly unknown term, as it is not something that is talked about very much.  The people who belong in this group have one living biological child, but have not been able to conceive a second.  Often, couples in this group are asked why they are not happy with the one child they do have.  It’s not that we don’t feel beyond blessed to have one child.  We realize that some couples are unable conceive at all, it’s just that we’re torn between being happy with one child, and wanting to grow our families and provide our child with a sibling. 

I have also been placed in the category of “unexplained infertility”.  We have been working with a fertility specialist frequently over the past several years, who has given us a ton of information and has helped us immensely through this season of waiting.  Although I’ve had many ultrasounds, a substantial amount of blood work, several tests and endless appointments, my infertility remains fairly unexplained.  They have determined that I have subclinical PCOS (a very mild form), and well controlled hypothyroidism, but otherwise every other test has come back fine.  As much as it is encouraging to know that there’s nothing seriously wrong with me or Ryan, it’s frustrating to know that there is not a concrete diagnosis.  

With this knowledge, the biggest changes my doctor has recommended is to continue with regular exercise and maintaining a healthy diet.  Several years ago, my cycles were extremely irregular.  Through regular exercise and a healthy diet, I have managed to regulate my cycles.  Within the past few months, I have done a bit more research to see what else I am able to change.  With a suggestion from a coworker, I decided to try acupuncture.  The research behind acupuncture and fertility is strong, and I thought I might as well give it a shot.  Through my acupuncturist, I have also learned of an effective diet change to increase fertility.  This involves including foods that are high in fibre and have a low glycemic index.  This diet is designed to help regulate the impact of insulin on the body, and therefore have a positive effect on my cycles.  Through this meal plan, we have started to include more legumes, whole grains, whole foods and fibre into our diets, and I have already noticed a positive change.  It’s amazing how such a simple thing can make such a big difference, and I've enjoyed learning about this new way of eating!  

Along with the meal plan, I have also continued to maintain a fairly regular exercise program.  I try to incorporate a half hour routine into each day and have found a fitness yoga routine that not only comes with physical, but emotional benefits as well.  

Between meal planning, regular exercise, seed cycling (which is designed to help regulate certain hormones throughout the cycle.  More on that here) and educating myself on these things, I’ve found that I can have a different mindset and attitude about our situation.  

I can’t say that I don’t have bad days.  Overall, however, my attitude has been more positive than negative.  It’s been a lot of work to get there, but God has been faithful.  I know He’s got His hand in this, and we’ll continue to pray.  We don’t know what He has planned for us, and maybe it won’t be the answer we’re looking for, but I will do my best to be as proactive and productive as I can while we wait!

Unanswered prayers.

Sometimes the answer will be yes… sometimes the answer is no, but I’m finding out that there’s always a lesson to be learned while you wait.  This was an unexpected and surprising, yet refreshing discovery.  Although we are still praying fervently for a second child, we are thankful that we have been able to learn and grow together in the meantime.   

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story, I struggled with infertility for 7 years before conceiving my son. If you ever want to chat, please don't hesitate to reach out <3

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  2. Thank you for your kind comment, P. Jeanne!

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